Peaceful Parent, Confident Children
Parent with Awareness

Model of Conscious Intent
Part I:  Ego and Separateness - Fear Based Triangle

The fear based triangle arises when we feel anxious, fearful or generally out of our comfort zone. We may fall back into old and limiting habits when threatened or otherwise triggered by our perceived insecurities. First it is important for us to create common language and clarity about the fear based triangle.

Doubt or worry results as a low level anxiety, to a highly dysfunctional anxiety that impairs our ability to relate to self and others and which is a result of our perceptions. The doubt that we feel stems from confusion that arises between our beliefs and our experiences. Somehow the beliefs we hold and our experience of life do not always match, hence the confusion. Those with a high degree of self-awareness, can be doubtful of something without experiencing anxiety. This is mainly due to their detachment from the outcome. These people are simply going to do their best in the moment and let everything unfold as they choose to learn from the experience. However, those with less self-awareness often doubt their abilities, their circumstances, and the worth of others. This type of doubt separates us from our innate wisdom and diminishes our talents.
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Judgement or assessments are necessary for safely and successfully navigating our world. Where judgements become limiting is when we believe that our assessments are correct.  That somehow we actually know what is really going on with our children or other people, in all their complexities.  The child refuses a common request and we make a judgement. Our judgement is based on our perceptions and from that perspective we react with our emotional content. We may think that we know what is going on inside that little person and sometimes we might be bang on, or we could be completely off the mark. More often than not, our judgements carry an emotional content that is coming from fear, thus we react angrily rather than responding with grace to the situation. Listening to our child with the intent to create understanding and connection are typically bypassed for expediency sake and parental control rather than for learning. Because learning and connection have been sacrificed the chances of this behaviour happening again are certainly very high.
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Fear or false events appearing real is a natural emotion for us all. After all fear is a prerequisite emotion that must be felt for us to practice courage and a host of other positive character traits. Most fears are our false notions appearing as a real threat. When in reality most fears fail to materialize, leaving us with the painful memory of anticipating a negative outcome. The majority of our pain is in the anticipation of the painful event, not in the event itself. Our ability as parents to distinguish between our fears and actual danger is very liberating. The more skills we develop in this area the more authentically we can coach our children about fear.
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Separation is the result of ego’s ongoing attempts to be recognized and elevated above others in worth and status. Ego wants desperately to be special, more special than others. Ego has a desire to be right, to compete for the love, to have respect and admiration from others even at their expense.
When we seek unity or connections with all beings, we become aware of our ego. As we practice seeing everyone as an extension of ourselves and ourselves as an extension of everyone, we judge less and love more. Seeing your God or higher power in everyone you meet, allows us to let go of the need to be that special one.
We are all special. Regardless of how others behave we can train ourselves to hold the highest potential for those that we observe are acting poorly. As we move from separation to unity as a thought pattern, it becomes senseless for us to think harmful thoughts about another, for we see them as part of us. Our compassion and acceptance flows from a place that recognizes that we are all in this together as one person expressing ourselves in different roles for the ultimate benefit of personal growth.

“The relationship that you create with your child profoundly affects your child’s confidence and inner peace.”

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