Book Excerpt from:
Bully Proof:
The Gift of Self-Esteem
Understanding Helps
". . . We can shift the goal of bully-proofing from “how to defeat the bully” to “how to defeat our fears and learn from the bully experience.” Ironically, it is the fear within our children that attracts and fuels bullies and their dominating behavior. When we help our children become aware of the role that fear plays in bullying, they can begin to create greater safety and inner peace for themselves.
There are many important concepts and skills that will help children act with greater safety and ease around bullies. The first of these concepts is that the very reason the bully is able to control the child is because of the child’s fear of the bully. A second concept children need to know is that their fear in itself is not the problem; it is what they do with their fear that is. Do we allow fear to direct our thinking and thus our actions, or do we acknowledge fear and use wisdom to guide us?
Displaying fear to the bully encourages the bully to continue their abuse. Kids need to know that they can be afraid and yet project an opposite emotion, like confidence. It is easier to show confidence when the bullied child realizes that the bully mentality is cowardly by nature. The bullies’ strategy is cowardly because bullies seek out potential victims that they perceive as being weaker than themselves. To help children defeat the threat of being bullied and learn and grow stronger from the experience, we must first demystify the bully. Our children can rise from being lost in the mystery to having greater self-mastery when they understand the true nature of bullies, their insecurities and their desperate need for power. . . "
There are many important concepts and skills that will help children act with greater safety and ease around bullies. The first of these concepts is that the very reason the bully is able to control the child is because of the child’s fear of the bully. A second concept children need to know is that their fear in itself is not the problem; it is what they do with their fear that is. Do we allow fear to direct our thinking and thus our actions, or do we acknowledge fear and use wisdom to guide us?
Displaying fear to the bully encourages the bully to continue their abuse. Kids need to know that they can be afraid and yet project an opposite emotion, like confidence. It is easier to show confidence when the bullied child realizes that the bully mentality is cowardly by nature. The bullies’ strategy is cowardly because bullies seek out potential victims that they perceive as being weaker than themselves. To help children defeat the threat of being bullied and learn and grow stronger from the experience, we must first demystify the bully. Our children can rise from being lost in the mystery to having greater self-mastery when they understand the true nature of bullies, their insecurities and their desperate need for power. . . "
